It’s not ‘Facebook stalking,’ it’s ‘research’
A Retrospective of Valentine’s Days Gone Wrong
Some Genius “Financial Advice” For Dating
5 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship… And Don’t Even Realize It
He’s Not The Problem … It’s Your Unreasonable Expectations
Why Living Together Before Getting Married Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be
Living Together Before Marriage Ruin Your Relationship?
How Did I End Up Being His Fake Girlfriend?
Asking a friend for help, and asking your significant other for a little romance once in a while
How to Begin and End a First Date
Somebody Else’s Man
Jesse says:
January 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I’m not sure whether the OP’s question wasn’t delivered tongue-in-cheek. The scenario she describes happens to everyone. I have often been approached by woman whom I do not find remotely attractive, and I have approached a multitude of woman whom I find beautiful yet won’t give me the time of day. If you are “out there”, i.e. engaged in the market, I believe the vast majority of your contacts fall into this category.
I have developed a simpatico index. Of all of the people you meet, you will find (at best) about 20% physically attractive. Of that 20%, 20% will find you physically attractive. Of that 20%, only 20% will have an attractive personality, and of that 20%, only 20% will feel the same way about you. That leaves you with only about 1/6% of all the people you meet who will share a mutual attraction both physically and emotionally with you. That’s 1 out of 600 people. In your dating lifetime, how many people do you meet? Fifty a year over 30 years is 3000, and one-in-600 of that leaves five. Five people over a lifetime that meet these basic criteria. Once you figure in mutual agreement of intelligence, class/wealth, and so on, the odds of pinpointing the perfect mate approach those of finding a needle in a haystack. Thank God for high sex drives, because if left to intellectualizing the decision to mate, few would ever hook up!
My point though isn’t that it is impossible to meet your perfect mate – it is possible, given you spend a whole lot of time kissing a whole lot of frogs – but rather that if your goal is not to become a serial dater, I repeat, if your goal is not to become a serial dater , then at some point you have to determine whether the cost of a future reward – cost paid in terms of additional precious years kept at kissing frogs, with no guarantee that you will find the right one – is worth more than pairing up with “almost” right fit. Using the SITC example, Big settled for Carrie and Miranda settled for Steve because in essence, they finally got tired of looking for someone better. So while neither solution set for pairing up with someone may be optimal, it’s either that or nothing at all.
A Retrospective of Valentine’s Days Gone Wrong
Some Genius “Financial Advice” For Dating
5 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship… And Don’t Even Realize It
He’s Not The Problem … It’s Your Unreasonable Expectations
Why Living Together Before Getting Married Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be
Living Together Before Marriage Ruin Your Relationship?
How Did I End Up Being His Fake Girlfriend?
Asking a friend for help, and asking your significant other for a little romance once in a while
How to Begin and End a First Date
Somebody Else’s Man
Jesse says:
January 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I’m not sure whether the OP’s question wasn’t delivered tongue-in-cheek. The scenario she describes happens to everyone. I have often been approached by woman whom I do not find remotely attractive, and I have approached a multitude of woman whom I find beautiful yet won’t give me the time of day. If you are “out there”, i.e. engaged in the market, I believe the vast majority of your contacts fall into this category.
I have developed a simpatico index. Of all of the people you meet, you will find (at best) about 20% physically attractive. Of that 20%, 20% will find you physically attractive. Of that 20%, only 20% will have an attractive personality, and of that 20%, only 20% will feel the same way about you. That leaves you with only about 1/6% of all the people you meet who will share a mutual attraction both physically and emotionally with you. That’s 1 out of 600 people. In your dating lifetime, how many people do you meet? Fifty a year over 30 years is 3000, and one-in-600 of that leaves five. Five people over a lifetime that meet these basic criteria. Once you figure in mutual agreement of intelligence, class/wealth, and so on, the odds of pinpointing the perfect mate approach those of finding a needle in a haystack. Thank God for high sex drives, because if left to intellectualizing the decision to mate, few would ever hook up!
My point though isn’t that it is impossible to meet your perfect mate – it is possible, given you spend a whole lot of time kissing a whole lot of frogs – but rather that if your goal is not to become a serial dater, I repeat, if your goal is not to become a serial dater , then at some point you have to determine whether the cost of a future reward – cost paid in terms of additional precious years kept at kissing frogs, with no guarantee that you will find the right one – is worth more than pairing up with “almost” right fit. Using the SITC example, Big settled for Carrie and Miranda settled for Steve because in essence, they finally got tired of looking for someone better. So while neither solution set for pairing up with someone may be optimal, it’s either that or nothing at all.
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